Whether or not one or both of your parents were physically present with you as a child, the worst pain of all is emotional abandonment. Often this goes back even further than we can comprehend.
Chances are, if you’ve had issues with attracting emotionally or physically unavailable partners, serial monogamy, or relationships where one or both of you frequently distanced yourself from one another, there are likely abandonment issues at play here.
But where do they begin?
Abandonment issues actually begin in infancy. It starts when mom goes back to work.
The child needs the support and love of the mother for the first three years of life. Ideally, the child never leaves the mother’s arms for the first ninety days of life.
If you are like me, and most American babies born in the last several decades, mom went back to work long before then.
Maternity leave typically doesn’t extend past 30 days. And most families aren’t set up financially to allow mom the extra few years with the newborn babe. This, unfortunately, leads to dramatic effects that last well into adulthood.
You see, when the baby is not with mom during this period, all the time, the baby doesn’t feel loved. When baby doesn’t feel loved, the baby doesn’t have a reason to anchor fully into Earth. The child also isn’t given coping skills to handle the stresses of everyday life. The child will not have the emotional strength s/he needs in life, and is likely to have an impact on relationships throughout adolescent and adult life.
It can lead to feelings of isolation, which, in my opinion, can lead to serious cases of depression and anxiety, bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, as well as the fear of being here, fear of revealing oneself to another or the world, or seeking love from unnatural places – like movies and celebrities, alcohol, food, drugs, and shopping.
What does this mean?
It means that it is not your fault that you have abandonment issues within your life. It, however, is also not mom’s fault, either – as mom was doing the best she could with what she knew.
It also means that, unfortunately, it is your responsibility to show up for yourself now.
How can I overcome that?
Here are a couple ways to help nurture that inner infant within.
- Give yourself a hug, every day. Whether you are feeling lonely, or happy, wrap your arms around yourself and stay there for a couple of minutes. This is especially helpful when you are craving love or attention from another person.
- Allow periods of the day to do nothing. Block out time – up to a couple of hours – during the day to lie in bed and do nothing, or color, or finger-paint. By allowing yourself this time to consciously do nothing, it will help the inner infant feel loved again, and will help you feel more complete throughout the day.
Now I’d love to hear from you. Do you have abandonment issues? What techniques have you tried to heal this area of yourself? Have they worked? Let me know in the comments section below.
P.S. Are you ready to up-level your soul? Apply here for a complimentary consultation.